Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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