wat bout pragnant strippers??
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
