she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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