Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
