I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
