I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
