Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
