Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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