You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
