Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
