Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
