That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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