i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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