youre lurking in front of me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
