Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
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