dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
