it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
