I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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