you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
