I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm at about main and main street
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
