Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
