hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize