How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
