if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
