Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Someone signed my nipple.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
