So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
