My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
