I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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