i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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