i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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