someone threw a dead crab at me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
