Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
