ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
