I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
