I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
