someone threw a dead crab at me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
