More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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