I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
