Don't make out with my wife yet
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
