Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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