I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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