You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
