hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my sisters under your porch take her home
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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