Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize