She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
