I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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