He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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