Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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