Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
