apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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