can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
