OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
