I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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