We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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