It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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