I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
