We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
