i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
