i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
