Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
