I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
