doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
