I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
