I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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