Just cropdusted the office
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
