Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
