the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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