I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
