Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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