she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
did you just send me my own nude
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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