Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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