Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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