We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
