And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
