If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
