508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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