Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
