so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I love you. Go after that dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
