Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize