I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
