Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
