She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
