And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
