the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
