Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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