I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize