wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
