I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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