So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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