You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize