This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
