it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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