i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
