There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
