you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do herpes really smell.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
