Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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