I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize