So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
