coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
