i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
