Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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