come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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