last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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