it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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