The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
