No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
