he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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